Greetings, friends. As the editor of this new publication, I’d like to kick it off by saying a few words about journalism.

First, let there be no doubt that journalism is a vital and honorable endeavor. Without a free, wide-ranging intellectual discourse, the higher talents of humankind are unable to develop. Indeed, in the absence of a free press, men can be no more than beasts. Like mongrel dogs, the best you can do is castrate them and throw them in the gutter, to wallow with their fellows in ignorance and superstition. Fortunately, the Press — now led by the noble Picayune — can bring to bear the force of reason, elevating our common discourse for the benefit of all people.

This is not to say that anyone can put up a website, and call it news. No, serious journalism must meet high standards, universally recognized by all people of merit. One cannot have irresponsible people contradicting the higher reasoning, of the experts in government, business and religion. The best journalism allows its readers to share this higher reasoning, and turns their attention gently away from any distractions, which would lower their spirits or impair their industry. Indeed it is the Press which is the caretaker of the People’s thoughts, for what else is the purpose of a press, if not to put everyone on the same page? I can assure you we treat this responsibility with the utmost seriousness at The Porcupine Picayune.

Journalism involves more than just reporting the news. A robust debate on issues of the day can be found in our Opinion section. You can of course rely on the editorial board here at the Picayune, to screen out the kooks and the crackpots, and elevate the most thoughtful and intelligent voices. We strive to present our readers with a well rounded representation of all the legitimate opinions, along with the context necessary to determine which one is correct. As I like to say, a person who reads The Porcupine Picayune is a person who knows what to think. You will find no better source for such inspiration, than what we provide here.

Like all serious news organizations, we actively promote diversity and inclusion, in order to distract our readers from the increasing inequality of wealth in our society. I must however emphasize that there will be no tolerance for the Pretender in Rome, nor will patience be shown for those who embrace the vile doctrines of popery. Frankly, the best way to deal with a papist is still the same as it was 400 years ago — tie them in a sack with feral cats and dump them into the nearest river. Sadly, our law no longer allows this, and has gone so far as to grant them the right to vote. Our society is poorer as a result, by any rational measure. An enlightened attitude is all well and good, but here at the Picayune we understand that tolerance has its limits.

Let me conclude by saying that we could not have a better team of journalists here at the Picayune. We are well placed to fulfill our mission of providing unique, thoughtful, well-rounded content that you wont find anywhere else. Welcome aboard!